The word of 2025 was change, and for the first time I’ve had a word of the year, I think it came true. Oftentimes, the word I set at the beginning is an aspiration but doesn’t necessarily reflect the year I actually had come December 31st. Looking in the rearview mirror on 2025 though, I think it is a year that marked more change for myself, both professionally and personally, than maybe any other year. Well that might be a bit dramatic, but there certainly was a large change in my emotional state and well being from January to December. 

From the outside it appears as if nothing has changed, which is the funny part. I am still living in the same house in Durango, complete with the same blue couch that I despise. I am still working at the same job, doing the same type of work within the company. I still revolve my life around many of the same activities: camping, running, biking, canyoneering. But inwardly? I am genuinely happy now, for the first time in years. The weighted collar I’ve worn around my neck for years has been lifted. I finally accepted that I have depression and stopped trying to ignore it and pretend it didn’t exist. Last year I sought treatment through therapy and medication to manage it and I am proud to say I am no longer suicidal. I no longer find myself curled on a ball on the kitchen floor holding a knife to my arm. I no longer feel such deep emotional pain and emptiness that ending my life feels like a rational option to make the pain stop.

That’s not to say that I don’t still feel lonely, or have moments of sorrow or sadness, but it is no longer overwhelming and all I can think about. It’s hard to state just how big of a change it is to no longer be contemplating death and instead be able to experience the overwhelming joy of a blue sky, a good book, a delicious cup of coffee, or reconnecting with an old friend. 

In a way, I’m grateful I had the experience I did with depression and suicide – it lets me appreciate life so much more on the other side. To not take any day for granted and to appreciate the vibrancy that life has to offer in all of its extremes. In my college philosophy class we talked about the concept of ‘emotional units’ and ‘emotional bandwidth.’  I think it came out of a Nietzsche or Heidegger reading that I cliff noted at the time. The idea was that everyone has a bandwidth of emotion to feel, both negative and positive with equal range in both directions. Some folks have a range of 10 emotional units, while others might have 20. But in order to open yourself up to 10 positive emotional units, you are also open to 10 negative units. The theme I walked away with is that while it is possible to limit the pain in life through shrinking your bandwidth, it limits the human experience, and that part of life is hitting the bottom. Or something like that, like I said I didn’t actually do the reading.  

Looking ahead to 2026 I am excited for what the year will bring, I have lots of ideas and plans, and for the first time I am not in denial about my mental health. My name is Andrew, I have depression, and I have the tools to manage it, and that’s pretty rad. 

With the heavy reflections out of the way, below are some photo highlights from the year across various trips and adventures. Click on any photo for the story behind it!